A retroactive reimagining of The Life Of A Showgirl through Taylor Swift’s own music.
Whether you’re in the camp that is disappointed or on the other side that’s just happy to bop along, I think it can be agreed that the marketing for the latest Taylor Swift record was misaligned with the sonics of the album. The visual storytelling is sultry, sexy and even a little tortured. I thought we’d have stories of showgirls past, horn sections blaring and a look at the blisters brought on by The Eras Tour (speaking both physically and metaphorically).
Here is a selection of tracks from her past discography that, in my personal opinion, fit the theme better than anything released on Taylor Swift’s most recent album. A would’ve could’ve should’ve, if you will.
1. The Lucky One
For our opener The Lucky One takes a look behind the scenes at a modern day showgirl and tells its tale over bright, clean, pop production. The Showgirl theme isn’t exactly new for Taylor Swift and it was exciting to think of her tackling the narratives of glitz, glamour, and tragedy now that she’s the one on top. Her duet with Sabrina Carpenter attempts a shot at it but doesn’t quite stick the landing and it would have been great to see her pass the baton with a bit more style.
2. King Of My Heart
… and all at once you are the one I’ve always waited for, body and soul, king of my heart.
The other direction this record could have gone and the more likely option that we were expecting from a Martin, Shellback, and Swift collaboration. King Of My Heart is a triumphant declaration of love over classic Max Martin production. It sounds luxurious and expansive with creative use of the vocoder and Martin’s signature high hat trills.
A shout it from the roof tops type of romance, is Kelce not deserving of the same? Imagine with me for a moment, decadent pop production with lyrics that give a nod to Kelce’s “Kingdom.” It would fit right in with her fairy tale imagery while simultaneously welcoming the sports fans that have entered into her universe. It’s hard for me to grasp that the same people that made this let themselves make public a song like “Wood”.
3. Suburban Legends
Sassy digs at exes and lyrics on the pursuit of success, Suburban Legends is simple and effective in its message. Compared to the swinging d*ck of Father Figure or the misplaced mean girl jabs of Actually Romantic, she could’ve offered a final dig at Matty Healy and his circle with a line like:
I didn’t come here to make friends, we were born to be suburban legends.
4. Bejeweled
Glitter, sequins, diamonds and pearls – a true showgirl of a song. Imagine this twinkling production in the style of Max Martin at his y2k best? High hopes, I know but I’m really not seeing enough discourse on how his production let this record down. His job is to challenge both Taylor and himself but his influence isn’t recognizable on The Life of A Showgirl. He phoned it in and opted for generic mall music indicating that he’s either fallen off or he simply doesn’t care enough for Taylor Swift to do her justice.
5. invisible string
For our hypothetical track 5 I’ve chosen invisible string. Plucking at heartstrings it is a wistful tune of lovers fated to be. A similar theme could have been applied to Travis Kelce with lyrics calling back to “I’ll be 87, you’ll be 89.” A nostalgic nod to the never knowing what was to follow, a gentle promise for her future husband. I wanted to hear at least one song from that dreamy and romantic girl we’ve come to know.
6. Starlight
Starlight is a euphoric bop that balances the glamour of a night out with a sweet love story. With lyrics like “We could get married, have ten kids and teach ’em how to dream” we see Taylor Swift at her most optimistic and romantic. Give us a story like this, with a peak into galas, private clubs, and dining rooms. Give us a look into a rich and decadent world that our plebeian eyes will never see.
She dips a toe into this imagery with references to Portofino and the Plaza Athénée on the song Elizabeth Taylor but never fully leans into the narrative. This is for those that say “they hate to see her happy.” We don’t, we just know she can write about it better.
7. Long Live
Long live all the magic we made.
This is likely what we were all hoping for: a song for her fans and her crew. An acknowledgement of the hard work of so many that made it all happen. Where was the dedication to her dancers, truck drivers, the Starlights, the band, the rest of the crew? To Geselkirchen, who literally engulfed the mountains with sequined Swifties? To Vienna, where fans filled the streets for days on end when her shows were cancelled? To the fans in general who spent so much money (it was a lot of money) on tickets, merch, hotel rooms, and flights?
It feels ungrateful to say nothing. The people are deserving of their flowers, deserve to hear the queen they crowned say thank you for making her dreams come true.
8. the last great american dynasty
Her character work bloomed on folklore and this type of concentrated storytelling would have worked superbly on a subject like Elizabeth Taylor. A look back on Liz’s love life, talent, and the scrutinies she faced would parallel well with Swifts life in the spotlight. We know she can do it, so it is frustrating to see her not dig into her talents and further hone her craft.
As my father would often quote “if you’re not the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” Taylor Swift has spent previous years punching up, seeking approval from the artists, directors and writers in her former circle. A self-proclaimed people pleaser, it seems she is now surrounded by those easy to please.
9. dorothea
Musically, dorothea has that showgirl swing that wouldn’t feel out of place at a cabaret. The subject matter delves into fame and success while expanding the character work of the previous track. The song evokes on-theme imagery that wouldn’t feel out of place in a music video – a peek into the dressing room, smoking in a jazz club, swaying at a piano in an empty theatre.
10. False God
With that opening call of the saxophone, False God is the direction I thought we were headed in. Sultry, moody, and engaging, it sees Taylor Swift get sexy in a way that mimics the visual messaging of The Life Of A Showgirl. Horns, jazz riffs and cabaret songs could have been referenced throughout the album to create a cohesive exploration of the Showgirl genre.
Maybe a producer like Mark Ronson could have been an interesting choice for this as he’s proven himself capable of hitting Number 1’s with his twist on country (Nothing Breaks Like A Heart ft. Miley Cyrus) and is executing big band sonics to great success with RAYE’S “WHERE IS MY HUBAND!” I even wonder how Jack Antonoff would’ve fared with this material, who knew we’d miss him so quickly.
11. Dress
Carve your name into my bedpost, cause I don’t want you like a best friend
I mean, come on. “My hands are shaking from holding back from you” might be the sexiest she’s ever been. It’s full of desire, passion and affection for her muse. Listen to this, then listen to Wood and come back and tell me if I’m wrong. If she was going to tap Max Martin to write a horned up Travis album then this is the energy we deserved.
12. You Are In Love
If I was restricted to only 12 tracks, I would end it here. You Are In Love feels like love echoing across the sea. The ballad opens your heart up and feels more worthy of weddings than Lover. Our girl is getting married, I want to hear that joy reflected in her music, I want to hear that testament to love.
13. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart
This seemed like the take off point for TLOAS in terms of sound and theme. Costumes, dancers, fans, what it felt like on the stage, what it felt like after. The exhaustion, the famed bathtub that somehow doesn’t make an appearance in any of the text. The behind the curtain look that we were promised.
The reality of her life at that time included Travis Kelce surprising her on stage, sneaking off on dates around the world, flying from The Eras Tour to Kansas City. There’s enough subject matter there to be explored with depth and honesty.
14. Daylight
I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, I don’t want to think of you now that I’ve thought of you.
Daylight sounds like walking through the Karma door to me. Like the closing of a chapter or a final bow.
15. The Life Of A Showgirl
I’m including the title track from The Life Of A Showgirl as it’s the only one from the new record that fits the theme. Should Kitty as a character have been expanded more? Absolutely. Rhyming kitty with pretty and city sounds like jet lag got the best of Taylor Swift but Sabrina Carpenters verse isn’t bad.
It also could have benefited from adding a third to the group, ahem, Shania Twain. A trio of Showgirls with a solid music video would have catapulted it to number one and helped it claim iconic status.
The End
I hope you enjoyed this hypothetical track listing. Thank you, Goodnight!
